How to: Create a Solar Powered X-Mas Tree from Wine Bottles

December 6, 2009 · Filed under Uncategorized · Tagged , , , , , , ,

I recently moved to a new loft, meaning that every time a friend would visit for the first time I received a gift. And by ‘gift’ I mean ‘bottle of wine.’ Not knowing exactly where the closest location to recycle these lovely tokens once they are drained, they began to accumulate at quite a rapid rate. Yes, I can be a lazy out-of-sight, out-of-mind kind of guy. I impulse bought holiday lights and had no tree, so I decided to put all of these things together. And now you can, too.

You will need:

  • wine bottles (at least 10)
  • boxes of various sizes
  • solar powered LED lights
  • holiday cheer
  • oh, and tape maybe

Step 1: Drink the wine

Consume the wine prior to attempting to combine them with lights. I recommend spreading this out over more than one occasion. I hope you bought that the reason for my consumption was related to moving. Please keep in mind the quality of the wine is not directly related to the capacity the wine bottle has for aesthetic pleasure. As you finish each bottle, rinse thoroughly and let dry.

Step 2: Buy the lights

Solar powered LED lights are a hot item this year and available for the low price of $19.99! Ok, maybe not so low, but way fun. Commit or quite, people. Each box fills about 10 bottles.

Step 3: Stack your bottles

Arrange your bottles in a tree-like formation. Use boxes of various shapes and sizes to support the different levels of the tree. Please note the photo below that, as mentioned before, the quality of the wine is irrelevant.

Step 4: Untangle the lights

This is annoying. Spread your lights out on the floor. If you have an obnoxiously large, long table, you can use that too. Divide the lights into as many sections as you have bottles. I used tape to help me keep track of my divisions.

Step 5: Stuff the bottles

Begin at the bottom of your tree and shove the first section of your lights inside. You may want to put the cork back in or tape the lights down as it may keep the lights from being pulled back out and in turn keep your language clean for the kids. If the bottles still have some moisture inside, I think that’s probably ok. The lights I recommended are designed for outdoor use, so you should be good. However, if in the unlikely event you are somehow stupid enough to burn your dwelling down trying to recreate this work of art then that’s your own damn fault. Don’t sue me.

Work you way through each level of bottles with the lights. Try some experimentation to make sure you are happy with the portion of lights in each bottle. Optionally, you may fill your bottles with glassy beady thingies, which are a crazy $6 or $7 per bag, which would fill about one bottle and make this a ridiculously expensive project. See my ’star bottle’ at the top of my tree in the photo to see what this would look like.

Once you have your bottles filled, put the solar panel in your window or outside. Try to get as much sunlight as possible. See directions in box for details.

Step 6: Personalize

To neaten up the appearance of the tree, I wrapped the support boxes in holiday paper. Feel free to add other ornaments and decorations you already have somewhere. This is just a base- if you have way more bottles than I do you are probably very lazy or have a problem or both, but you can create a bigger, multi-sided tree. Mineral water bottles also work, but seem more pretentious.

If you think it looks snazzy in the photos, you should see it in real life- it looks even more glorious!

Enjoy! Feel free to send in pics of your very own solar powered holiday wine bottle tree, and remember to recycle the bottles when you are done! Happy holidays.

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Joji and the Goopy-eyed Cat

October 31, 2009 · Filed under Uncategorized · Tagged , , , , ,

To start off, yes, technically I am blogging about my diseased cat. The underlying theme, however, is the power of social media. And cats.

I have two cats. Fiyero and Cordelia. I’m sure geeks everywhere just identified with one or both of their names and either giggled or scoffed. They are siblings from my parent’s farm. Fiyero is bigger, used to chase lambs in the flats plains of southern Iowa, speaks constantly, eats everything and sometimes massages my back. Cordelia, on the other hand, is tiny, speaks very rarely, walks on her hind legs like a ferret and is a bit of a princess. This post will focus on her.

Cordi was a peculiar kitten. To say she was anti-social would be an understatement. I’m pretty sure she hid under a radiator for 8 months straight. When she finally attempted to be social, she was  a bit…silly. My friends cruelly called her Cordi Keller because she sometimes ran face-first into walls. The real reason for this was not that she was deaf and/or blind (I became certain as she grew older) but that she was easily excitable and afraid of pretty much anything that was a noun. All of this back story is relevant because it helps you to understand what a perfect tiny precious little creature she is.

Cordelia had some goobers in her eyes this week. She has struggled with ucky eyes on and off her whole life (she has a flat face) but it has never been a serious issue, I just have to help her clean them sometimes. Friday when I came home for lunch, she was coyly winking at me. In fact, she couldn’t stop winking. She couldn’t open her eye at all. It was pink and goopy and gross. I could not get her into our regular vet and she needed immediate attention. What was I to do?!

That’s when I turned to the popular micro-blogging platform know as Twitter. My Tweet was simple:

Tweet

Notice Cordi in the upper left-hand corner of my background.

The responses were amazing! I was blown away by how many people responded with recommendations. The most responses came for Heartland Animal Hospital. I gave them a call only to find that they stopped taking appointments at 5:00, but they would see if they could fit us in at 5:15. I was impressed!

The vet was wonderful and even won the attentions of Cordi (she only hissed once!), which is no easy task. I was secretly hoping she would get to wear a kitty eye patch for a few days, but instead we just have to rub medical goop in her eyes. The rates were reasonable and overall it was a grand experience. Cordelia is doing much better.

The vet asked me how I chose his clinic, and I told him I asked for recommendations on Twitter. He responded with “I didn’t know we were on tweeter.” I’m 98% sure he mispronounced it on purpose, which is beside the point. We had a great conversation about how it works and how it is affecting business. He said that most of their business comes from word-of-mouth, and we talked briefly about how word-of-mouth is changing because of social media, Twitter in particular.

Cordi

Cordi at Heartland Animal Hospital

A big thanks to @justcourtney @joelbrewer @geek4science @benjpeters @beckymollenkamp @SmartKindling and @catrocketship for your recommendations! They are greatly appreciated.

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Journey Through the National Service Leadership Institiute.

June 2, 2009 · Filed under Uncategorized · Tagged , , ,

This post is also featured here:http://thenewservice.wordpress.com/2009/06/01/nationalleadershipinstitute/

Getting Things Done (crop)

Last week I had the opportunity to attend the National Leadership Institute, an intensive two-day experience for AmeriCorps Members in Iowa hosted by the Iowa Commission on Volunteer Service .

Upon my arrival at the Wesley Woods Retreat Center near Indianola, Iowa, AmeriCorps Members from across the state were chatting casually and settling in to the campgrounds.

After a brief welcome to the grounds we were split into four teams comprised mostly of unacquainted members. Our first order of business: challenge games. The Wesley Woods camp staff provided four ‘stations’ of team-building activities for us to rotate through. Some of these were typical challenge games: the human knot, fit the entire team on a wooden platform, pass the hula-hoop around while holding hands, etc.

I don’t think the staff was prepared for us to be team-building professionals. We flew through many of the activities, often at ‘record speeds’ according to the camp staff. By the time our rounds were complete, we had begun to establish strong team dynamics. I credit our AmeriCorps mindsets for our natural aptitude for teamwork.

After each team’s initial bonding experience over challenge games, we moved on to our in-depth sessions. Each team rotated through four sessions over the two days.

The first session for Team 2 was lead by Tim Reed, a facilitator for The Project on Civic Reflection. Each of the reflection sessions were hosted by Reed and Adam Davis, Senior Research Associate with the Project on Civic Reflection.

The sessions were very straightforward, each beginning with a reading that inspired an analysis of our personal values related to service, service in general, or the actions of other. Reading included The Lovers of the Poor by Gwendolyn Brooks, excerpts from Earliest Impressions by Jane Addams and The Lamb and the Pinecone by Pablo Neruda (PDF).

Some questions that emerged from our conversations were more challenging to answer than others: How has your understanding of service changed over time? What are your earliest impressions of service?  Does intention always matter when it comes to service? These discussions laid a steady foundation for our introspective look at service experiences for the rest of our time at the camp.

One of the most unique aspects of the conversation was that it was intergenerational. AmeriCorps is not limited to Generation Y (although the event did lean more in that direction) and offered several diverse perspectives in our discussions.

For example, in one exercise we literally mapped out our experiences with service over time and where we expect to see it go in the future. I focused on how I am eager to explore the way service will fit into my life after AmeriCorps. I had the chance to speak with a woman two generations ahead of me about how her colleagues’ approaches to service change as they progress in their careers. For instance, one individual works in journalism professionally, but sticks to hands-on activities for service, such as working in a soup kitchen.

In the afternoon our next undertaking was to complete a service project. Team 2’s task was to weatherproof all of the tables and benches on the campgrounds. Working in the sun gave us a chance to strengthen our bond as a team and chat about our individual areas of focus through AmeriCorps, but the best part of the project was hearing from Bill Tomlinson, who led the service project.

Bill is a retired pastor and has been a full-time volunteer at Wesley Woods for 18 years, specializing in handyman and woodworking tasks.  After an hour of weatherproofing Bill began to pull large, mysterious contraptions out of a shelter and set them on display before us.

It wasn’t until the pieces were unfolded that we realized he was displaying handcrafted carnival games, including a reverse dunk tank, basketball game and a pie tossing set. Impressively, Bill had created nearly all of the pieces by hand, many out of bed frames, which has earned him the name ‘Bed Frame Bill’ around camp. This was the very epitome of service: a man who has spent nearly 20 years working at a camp for the simple pleasure of the act. The pieces he showed us were recent creations, each a quality device he had assembled himself. He was genuinely elated to be able to work at the camp, which was obvious to anyone who heard him talk about his projects.

The rest of the evening flew by with typical camp bonding activities: s’mores, campfire chats, a guided night hike through the woods, etc.

After a brisk early breakfast the next day, we set out to complete our second day. After our last session with the Project on Civic Reflection,

the final Team 2 adventure was thelow ropes course.Much like our performance of the challenge games, we seemed to fit in very naturally as a team, so much so that the leader of the activities had the impression that we had been working together for some time.

We worked our way through a variety of low ropes challenges and completed the ‘raging river’ in record time. The river was an open space in the trees with several tree stumps acting as ‘rocks’ in the ‘river.’  Our challenge was to get the entire team across the stumps using only three pieces of lumber to walk on. This exemplified our dynamics as a team, as our decision-making process came naturally and quickly. Each member participated whole-heartedly and recognized individual strengths. It was probably the most phenomenal and immediate teamwork I have ever experienced. Team 2 completed the challenge in about 15 minutes, giving us time to move on to a bonus challenge: the web.

The web is a giant web of rope. Our challenge was to move every member through a separate opening in the web, forcing us to lift many members and pass them through the top by hand. By the time we reached the web, the group shared a feeling of confidence that we could complete any of the challenges laid before us by the course.

It seemed to be a shame we don’t have the opportunity to work together on an actual project and one member even commented so. I responded (quite facetiously), “But guys…we’re working together to change America!” which was met by laughs and eye rolls. Despite the nonchalance of our discussion, with some reflection we found that the statement actually is quite true.

Although we do not work together or even necessarily on directly related issues, we are working toward change. I am a second year AmeriCorps State of Promise Member and do not necessarily work extensively with other members, but the National Service Leadership Institute showed me that there is a sense of unity amongst AmeriCorps Members.

 

For videos of my experience at the retreat, check out @IowaYouthPhil or@JosephPiearson Twitter updates marked with #INSLI. For more information on my work with AmeriCorps and the Iowa Council of Foundations, or visit our Facebook page.

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Marriage Equality in Iowa: Day 1

April 27, 2009 · Filed under Uncategorized

Had a wonderful time volunteering for One Iowa today. It gave me the opportunity to witness committed couples, many of whom have been together for a very long time, apply for a marriage license. A few couples were even able to get a  waiver signed so they can marry today! I was lucky enough to witness the first of these (to my knowledge).

Unfortunately I don’t have much time to share my thoughts this morning, but I wanted to post a few photos I was able to take. This is truly a momumentous day for all Iowans.

 

volunteers

This is Karen, who was one of the other One Iowa volunteers this morning. It was a pleasure to spend my morning with her.

 

dodger-jess

Jess & Alicia, dear friends of mine who were actually able to get a waiver signed and will marry this afternoon!!!! Sorry the photo is blurry:-(

 

happy-couple-1

Happy Couple! One of the first to leave the courthouse.

 

family

Happy Family!

baby

Closer shot w/the little guy!

flowers

Flowers were given out to the happy couples by Ed Fallon & company…I apologize, the formal org name eludes me right now.

I wish I would have taken more photos! It was an emotional morning. Thanks to One Iowa and Lambda Legal for all the hard work they have done to make today possible. I’m proud to be an Iowan.

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How to Properly Dress for Leslie and the Lys

April 25, 2009 · Filed under Uncategorized

My journey to Mother Gem herself and how you too might find your way to her stage.

lesllie

Step 1: Rescue the perfect gem sweater.

The MidWest Diva herself has a collection of over 400 of these beauties. I found this unique piece of artistry at the Salvation Army two blocks away from my house! How much you ask? Only $1.99. That’s right-to pay that baby off in one month, it breaks down to only $0.06633 a day!

try-it-on1

Step 2: Integrity

To truly attempt to channel the Glam Mother of Glitz, every layer of your physical being must be immaculately chosen. I think the only word that can accurately describe the specific style I chose to embrace would be sassifrass. 

mstimberlake

Here you can see that after properly grooming, my first layer is very basic-no product in my hair and a comfortable sparkly Mrs. Timberlake shirt (perhaps one of the most practical gifts I have ever received). For modesty’s sake, I am not displaying the Batman briefs I am sporting underneath. You never know what the night will bring, or what the climate (culturally, meteorologically or otherwise) will be, especially in Iowa, so be prepared to adapt. Layers=sweet.

Step 3: Find a Friend

This is the glory that is Rachel.

rachglam

Classy, clever and sexy. That’s her. Rrroar.

Step 4: Stylize

I chose to complete my outfit with skinny jeans cut off under the knee, tube socks, chucks w/green laces, orange evil eye friendship bracelet,  a flashing button and a yellow headband. A bit of paste in my hair and I’m almost there. Rachel has a knack for makeup application, so she applied subtle violet shades to my eyes.

makeup

Step 5: Warm Up

It is VITAL that you prepare for the experience with physical warm-ups. I recommend warming up with the following exercises:

  • The high kick. Leslie & the Lys are notoriously well known for their high kicking abilities. To really be in the moment, you should be prepared to high kick at any moment.

kick1

  • The Diva. This is really a universal rule of thumb before going anywhere. Always be ready to strike a pose.

king

  • The Flirt. Again, this is a given. However, keep in mind that different poses lend themselves more effectively to different outfits.

wink

Step 6: Follow the Van.

The signature van is hard to miss…

van

…and perfect for photo opps. Don’t forget the back!!!

backvan

Step: 7 Let the Music Take You Away.

You’ll know when you’re there- true believers will all start to levitate.

n589508669_1525606_668344

Step 8: Make Your Way Onstage.

Rachel & I followed steps 1-7 and were chosen. It was an a honor.

n589508669_1525610_6856937

 

I can’t really give any more advice…there is only so much planning can do…then faith, hope and gems come in to play. Leslie herself blessed my sweater:

n589508669_1525615_7290800

And it was named Honey Mountain Puppy Tender.

And thus was my path. Please follow the steps, but remember they will only take you so far…the rest is up to Leslie & the Lys.

n589508669_1525617_2476463

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Journey Through the Yellow Light

April 21, 2009 · Filed under Uncategorized

It ends up the panic button to Mr Car is very sensitive. He’s the first car I’ve had with keyless entry (which is still amazing to me in itself) so last week was the first day I’ve been that guy who sets off his car alarm by accident and doesn’t realize it is his car. When he’s leaving work. Early.

I left work and headed down the street. It was a beautiful sunny day and I was happily on my way to my destination, jamming out to “Stop Me” from Mark Ronson’s album “Version”  (pick it up, it’s really good…not so big in the U.S. but I really enjoy it). I headed toward an intersection and the light turned *dramatic pause* yellow. You know what it’s like when it catches you off guard…you’re singing and driving perfectly well, and then you see the yellow light and time slows and goes really fast all at the same time. You must choose: do I speed up or slam on the brakes? I thought it would be rather rude  and possibly dangerous for those behind me if I suddenly stopped, so I punched it. The light was actually a little further away than I originally thought, but it I made it.

Not gonna lie, I got a little rush. Whooo hoo, I just sped up…Mr Car got to a whole 40 mph…in a 35. Rebel!!! I looked in my mirror to see the light I totally cleared, and saw a car about 5 seconds behind me…who didn’t clear it. I belive the term “t-boned” is used in this particular type of situation. The car spun around and variouis pieces flew into the air from both vehicles. I would assume both drivers were ok, as the other car couldn’t have been going very fast yet and both drove off into a near by parking lot to exchange insurance info and possibly various insults.

Immediately, my rush wonkified. Had I caused that? What if I would have done the break slammy thing? I developed to the following scenarios:

  1. I could have prevented this accident. If I had stopped, I could have warned the speeding individual that “Aye! There’s a yellow light up ahead!” Driver may have been upset for the short notice, but the car would have stayed considerably less crunchy.
  2. I could have been rear ended. Crunchy Driver seemed to be a tad reckless. It is entirely possible that if I had stopped, I would have been the one exchanging insurance info and insults. After all, if a red light didn’t stop him, why would Mr Car’s brake lights?
  3. I was in that accident. Oh no. What do you mean I was in that accident? How could I have just driven away? I was going nearly 40 mph in a 35! How could I possibly have survived? Unless…I didn’t. I have been walking around for this entire movie and just now realized I was dead? Ug. How cliché.

Ok, I’m going to assume #3 is not true. I have been watching a lot of Dead Like Me, which is a very entertaining television program, but perhaps too much is just too much. My point here is that every choice we make has consequences. They aren’t good and evil, right or wrong, they just are. It wasn’t evil of me to go through the yellow, and it wouldn’t have been right of me to slam on my brakes. I don’t know what would have happened if i would have done something differently, but that can really be said of anything. If I had left 20 seconds later today, if I had worn the red shirt instead, if I’d have not wasted 5 minutes reading this blog, your life could be COMPLETELY different…but you’ll never really know how. Life is random. And who are we kidding, your life is obviously enriched by reading this blog.

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Make Your Own Easter Egg Latte

April 12, 2009 · Filed under Uncategorized · Tagged , , , , ,

yummybunnyI started my Easter Sunday off by stealing food from my roommate.  After I had arisen, I found her in the kitchen preparing tea. She was very sick and on her way back to bed. I figured she would be out for a while, as she took a copious amount of anti-cold drugs and I was feeling especially lazy & had a hankering for something salty & possibly Chinese, so I decided it would be safe to eat her food and then replace it before she rose again.

It was a good call. I ate her food, showered and thought about how much I do not depend on caffeine. I can totally go without. I can stop consuming it daily whenever I choose. Today is not that day, so I made my plan for the next hour: set out for latte, grab replacement Chinese and a Cadbury Egg. Roomie Cole mentioned that the mall was closed for Easter before she went back to rest. I had forgotten it was that special Sunday, and ever since she mentioned it I could not shake a craving for a butter cream filled chocolate egg laid by a bunny. On my way to Mr. Car, I was hit with a totally brilliant idea: What if I combined the egg with the latte to make the perfect Easter drink?! I found nothing to my satisfaction online, so I created one myself. Now you can too by following these simple steps!

Step 1: Plan Ahead

Step 1a: Decide whether you are organized & desire quality or cheap & impulsive leftovers.

egg-package1

It ends up Cadbury Eggs are very popular around Easter. I stopped at several gas stations & grocery stores only to find they had sold out yesterday morning. Seeing as I actually do have a life, I didn’t want to spend my entire day searching for the original Cadbury Egg, so I went with a knock off. Give & Take: if you buy ahead, you can get the original. If you are more impulsive & wait until the day of, you can get off brand stuff for 50¢. I found Butter Cream Chocolate Eggs at Hy-Vee, which break down to about 2-3¢ a piece…a real bargain! However, they are only half eggs, which is just weird. Decide ahead of time which is right for you!

Step 1b: Choose your Easter music for traveling/creating.

I chose a selection of Once More with Feeling, The Buffy the Vampire Slayer musical, in which Anya sings about bunnies. If you are not lucky enough to be totally awesome and don’t know what I’m referring to, go here:http://tinyurl.com/dafbe6. Also, if you have been following along the last few weeks with your Jesus Christ Superstar soundtrack, I’m afraid you are out of luck-it cuts off on Good Friday. Choose something that is right for you!

Step 1c: Gather Supplies/Test Cheap Crap

taste-egg

If you went the cheap & impulsive route, test your product. Despite the outcome of the test, learn to live with your decision, as you can not proceed to Step 2 until you have convinced yourself you are satisfied.

Step 2: Find a Barista who is willing to experiment.

mina

I chose Mina at Amici Espresso because she is way cool. She let me come behind the counter and work my experimental magic. Disclaimer: I paid for all material I used at Amici Espresso and I am a trained barista. And a darn good one.

Step 3: Place Your Eggs in a cup

I recommend using more than one half egg per shot of espresso.

egg-in-a-cup

Step 4: Scramble your eggs.

scrambleThe more scrambled, the better. The idea is to completely decimate the egg form so you can melt it with scalding hot espresso.

Step 5: Prep other ingredients

I chose to go with Silk soymilk, as it is organic and delicious.

silk

Yummy Bunny agreed. He wants to sample the latte when we’re done, and as he is part milk because of his milk chocolate heritage, he considered cow’s milk to be a certain degree of cannibalism he just can’t ignore. (However he looks past the ‘chocolate’ aspect of the Easter eggs in the latte. Hypocrite. He’s the vegetarian wearing leather shoes type.)

Step 6: Combine

Steam your milk between 120-160 degrees (I went with 140) while you pull your espresso shots. In my case, I’m using Amici’s imported Italian Filicori Espresso. While the espresso is still hot, mix it in with your scrambled bunny eggs & give it a good stir.

stir

Your Easter eggs should be completely dissolved before you add the milk.

Step 7: Decorate

What fun would anything with Easter eggs be if you don’t get to decorate?! I topped my NonCadbury Egg Easter Egg Latte off with a hearty amount of foam for ample possibilities! I made a foam bunny, but how you decorate is completely up to you!

bunny-latte

Step 8: Taste your creation!

If it sucks, it’s your fault for not getting the right kind of eggs. If it rocks, it’s totally because of me and you can thank me in any way you choose! Either way, you are guaranteed a latte full of sugar, caffeine & Easter spirit!

taste

Step 9: Tip your barista.

Even if your latte is horrible, you made your barista go to the extra time & effort of adding Easter eggs to your latte. You ruined it yourself and they deserve an extra buck for their extra work!

successI think in my personal experience, the contrast of the imported Italian espresso & organic soy milk with the crappy discount leftover candy was pretty powerful. No matter how you go about this fun Easter pastime, Yummy Bunny urges you to remember the most important part of all of this: buying extra stuff will help stimulate the economy.


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Journey to Ingerdahl’s

March 18, 2009 · Filed under Uncategorized · Tagged , , , ,

I had planned to stick with my workout during lunch kick, but failed to account for the massive St Patrick’s Day Parade surging through downtown Des Moines. By the time I finally got home, there was no place to park, so the majority of my lunch break was spent trying to navigate around the parade to get back to work.  Of course I didn’t bitch about it because when I did make it back to work, Homeless Man was digging through a nearby dumpster for lunch, which of course meant I did not win the prize for Worst Lunch Situation of the Day (he beats me every time at this game!). And he seemed to be in a good mood, so I decided I should be too. It was so gorgeous out that Boss Lady ordered me to leave a half an hour early, and if I didn’t, she threatened to take away points from my upcoming review. Obviously this was horrifying, so I left.

After making an awesome playlist I set out on my 2 mile trek. I was enjoying the weather so much I ended up going all the way to Gray’s Lake, running around it and then back…which I’m tell myself is 6 miles, which I don’t think is completely inaccurate. Yay endorphines! The most intense part was when I somehow became engaged in a race with a six year old girl on a bike. I totally won.  Are you ever in the situation where you are exercising and feeling good and then a FIT person runs by with nearly no clothes on and then you are pretty close to him for a while and then eventually pass him with his completely unnecessary washboard abs, perfectly tan skin, shaggy hair, and tasteful tattoo only to see him coming from the opposite direction on the other side of town when you are done with your run, meaning he probably took a turn and ran a few more miles than you and is still going? Well, the point is that I’m taller.

After a quick shower I dashed on over to Coffee Shop for a protein smoothie. Luckily, Thrifty Girl was working and needed some entertaining. I was still high as a kite from my run, so I entertained her with stories of my weekend adventures while I enjoyed my smoothie. She particularly liked my tale of how a man far older than I (who was very focused on hooking up with me) had mistaken me for European because I was shouting loudly over the music. Rather than correct him, I began to speak even more peculiarly and told him I was from Latvia. A must-dance song came on, so I proceeded to dance very European and invited the gentleman to be polite. However, he was a little too hands on for my taste, so I kept pushing him away (quite obviously). A group of men my age kept laughing at the spectacle, although I don’t know if they were laughing at the situation or because they thought I had made a poor decision in dancing with said gentleman. Before I knew it I had been blabbing at Thrifty Girl for far too long and scooted on my way.

Immediately following my run I had grabbed a Slimfast shake from the fridge because it seemed quite appealing. I do this a lot but never actually buy any. Seeing as this was one of the final cans in the fridge, I figured I should replace them or face the wrath of Roomie Cole. Which is mighty. The new Dahl’s foodstore on Ingersoll (thus the name Ingerdahl’s) had opened up yesterday/last night/today, so I was eager to check it out. Really. I was. It was a big deal around here. So the next stop after Coffee Shop was Ingerdahl’s.

The old store is in front of the new one, so you have to park in front of the old store and follow a makeshift ‘walkway’ to the new one. It’s a short walk, so no big. The walkway reminded me of one of those movies about the apocalypse or zombies where everyone gets in a ‘line’ in a makeshift walkway to get to the last boat leaving Manhattan or to get the cure for the virus that will eventually kill everyone. Only there weren’t enough people to really make ‘apocalypse’ really work for it.

The store was glorious! They even have a polite man that walks around and helps people who get lost inside. After filling my tiny basket the first thing I thought of was ‘eating disorder.’ In my skinny jeans and sensibly tight ‘Sake 2 Me’ shirt I carried a jumbo size box of Slimfast, a small carton of soy milk and two bags of rice. It definitely looked eating disorder and not model, because everyone knows they only eat cigarettes, tic tacs and water.

At the checkout, I had the most incorrigible young woman assisting me. When I asked how her night was, she conveyed anguish at working on St Patrick’s Day. Before she even spoke I knew she was a big supporter by her festive green eye makeup. She then threatened to take my car and use her ‘McLovin ID’ because I had left my keys in the basket. ‘Oh no, not your McLovin ID!’ I begged. I have no idea what that means. (I have since googled and realized it is yet another reference I do not get because I still have not seen Superbad.)

She said it would be ok because she got off at 9 and the bars were open until 3. “OMG I LOVE YOUR SHIRT!” After looking down to see what shirt I was wearing, I shared with her the fact that I had worn this on my 21st birthday. She didn’t believe my age, so I ended up arguing with her for a good 5 minutes, which was rather pointless as I was not buying alcohol or tobacco, so my age really shouldn’t have been an issue. Maybe she was trying to flirt was really bad at it.

In summary, the store is way nifty, exercise is swell, old men are creepy and I look like a European minor.

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Journey to Scotty’s Body Shop

March 17, 2009 · Filed under Uncategorized · Tagged , , , , ,

Tonight was very springy. I had already ran my little heart out (ps exercising on lunch break is very empowering…like a reset button for my bad mood) and was even forced to try a new path thanks to some downtown construction by the river. After a full day of working super duper hard, I returned home feeling incredibly productive. I loaded myself up with a hearty to-do list, which included laundry, writing my long lost aunt who recently found me on facebook, making changes to this blog and finishing a podcast for work (I decided it would be faster to redo the entire thing on Powerbook rather than to continue working off of the PC in the office).

I walked in, fed the cats, checked Twitter, and then decided to have snack/chill out time for a few minutes before I began my laundry. One bowl of CocoaRageous and an episode of Dead Like Me later I gave in to the gentle breeze wafting at me through the window. I was a little discouraged finding the changes I wanted to make to the blog were impossible at this point, and I had been in front of a screen all day anyway, so I decided against doing more work. I looked in my closet to see I had only one shirt clean for work tomorrow, but it was green and tomorrow is St Patrick’s Day, so I could totally blow off laundry for one more day in the interest of enjoying Spring.

Since I figured my body would fall apart if I did more exercise today (I’ve been very motivated lately and have been getting into shape. Finding a balance so I don’t tire myself out: very important) I decided a drive would be nice. Of course I am trying to be sensitive of Mr Car’s limitations, but I figured one tiny trip would be fine. I really don’t get out as much as I would like, so I decided to take a trip to Mayhem Comics & Collectibles. That’s right, I have a comic book collection. I know, it’s sexy. I had a grand ole time wandering around the store and showed incredible self-restraint and bought absolutely nothing. One of my favorite quirks about the store is the background chatter. Every time I go in, there is always some sort of heated discussion about some new role role playing game or something equally fantastic. Usually I have no idea what they are talking about and it is kind of amazing to listen to. There are these entire worlds of fantasy and adventure that have their own subculture which most of us aren’t aware of. Of course I’m not saying that the comicbook store is the pinnacle of the city’s culture, I just find it intriguing how this material creates such a bond between its followers.

I had finished off my CocoaRageous cereal with my snack, which meant I needed to stop by the grocery store on the way home. Mr Car refused to release the passenger side window, so it wasn’t quite as breezy as I anticipated, but it was a lovely little drive. I ran into a girl from my college capstone class outdoors and chatted with her for quite a while. It was nice to see that life was taking her to happy places. Inside, after claiming my box of CocoaRageous I waited in line for quite a while.

I was kind of disappointed not to see Cat Lady, but then I realized she only works late at night. Cat Lady always asks me about my cats. I made an impression on her once when buying cat food at 3 A.M. and she never forgot. She also has a cat and does a dead-on meow that would convince you there was actually a fluffy kitten down her throat. Well anyway, she wasn’t there. While I was paying for my cereal, the man behind me insisted on tapping on his bag o’ chips. “I wonder how much of this weight is air? I mean, I wonder how much air is in one of these? Like, if we had to live off of nothing but the air out of the chip bags in this store, how long do you think we would last?” He spoke with conviction. I thought about it for a minute, and decided that if such a situation arose, he would probably be the sole survivor, as the rest of us in the store would not know to use the chip bags as an air source. My response was a smile and a nod.

Last stop was the gas station. Looking out across the parking lot, Scotty’s Body Shop shone brightly in the night. Now Scotty’s Body Shop is, in fact, a body shop. But come one. How can you look at it and not think ‘gay strip club’??? Really. Look at it.

Scotty's Body Shop looks like a gay strip club.

Scotty's Body Shop looks like a gay strip club.

Told you.

I was so intrigued by this that I actually crossed the street just to take this photo. I really doubt that is what they were going for. *Ready for my Sex in the City Carrie monologue moment? Here it comes.* That got me to thinking… [ok, now the camera zooms right in on the words I'm typing]  how often do the signals we put out get misconstrued? I would say pretty often, but that’s what makes us quirky. For instance, I bet many people think I’m quite the spazket case from a distance. I think misconceptions are probably some of the most important things in life because they make us question, explore and bring us humility for when we are wrong.

However, it wouldn’t be entirely surprised if Scotty’s had a secret doorway to a certain type of underground bar with a certain type of poles that becomes accessible in the later hours of the evening. But only if you know the password.

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Journey’s End For My Stuff

March 6, 2009 · Filed under Uncategorized

My physical belongings have taken a turn for the worst…at least my favorite ones. And all at once.

It started last week with Mr. Car, who has the psf leak and hanging plastic guard in front. These have been problems for a while, but definitely things we could work through. On our way home from a work trip the plastic piece descended onto the very hard interstate. It tore to pieces, taking more of Mr Car’s underside with it. I didn’t hear this at first because I was listening to Paralyzed iPod Touch so loudly (singing as well), so I was unaware until it got really bad, and by this time the damage was done. I pulled over to address the issue and, being the manly handy man that I am, I managed to…well I got really dirty and wasn’t able to help Mr Car much. Some nonessential Mr Car pieces have fallen off since. I like to think of this as his circumcision. Or that he had his tonsils removed. Neither are very fun, and it just happened so he’s still grumpy, but he will be ok without them… although he looks different if you look at him at a certain angle. He also has a loose left front tire which will limit our travel. Bad bearings.

Upon our arrival home I found that Powerbook had died in his sleep. I tried and tried to wake him, but he was gone. At least he didn’t feel any pain. For days he lied there, me unable to take him to the Apple store because of my nonstop schedule. After three days he made a miraculous recovery kind of. He now will start up, but only if he is on the floor and plugged in to a specific outlet in the house. I would like to think positively, but we both know his days are numbered.

Next up is my bed. After Christmas this year I bought a brand new beautiful bedset with every gift card I received. It has had a trying week. The theory this far is that Roomie Cole’s cat peed on my bed for unknown reasons. My cat, Fiyero, couldn’t stand the shame of having another cat’s pee on my bed, so he peed in the exact same spot to make the room appealing again. Though I appreciate Fiyero’s sense of loyalty, I much rather would have had him come to me to and warn me against diving into my newly violated bed (how I found the pee puddle). His English is horrible, however, so I probably would not have understood him…but the gesture would have been appreciated.

So Mr Car has issues, iPod Touch is paralyzed, Powerbook is touch & go and my dryclean only bedset has been saturated. Obviously these are luxury problems…these are all things I can live without. I don’t even care enough about bedset to consider it a proper noun. A long-time patron of the coffee shop, an artist/hippie/self-proclaimed dirty old man, told me “…the more crap you have, the more crap you have that will break” or something like that. It sounded very wise. These are not exactly Book of Job proportioned trials or anything, but it has made me re-evaluate my mindset. People always say physical things are not important, but they don’t mean it most of the time, they just say that to make themselves feel better when they loose their stuff. Well I’m trying to mean it.

Example: Roomie Cole went out of town for the week, so she left the garage opener so Mr Car could hang out inside for a while. Most of the week was beautiful, so we parked outside for the simple pleasure of walking in the cool night air. Friday I ‘needed’ a few nonessential items from the store (hummus, pitas, industrial size cocoa pebbles, soy milk and a bottle of wine) and it was quite chilly, so when we got back we parked underneath. In the 9 months we had been parking there, Mr Car and I had zero trouble fitting into the small space beside the large cement pillar. Of course there was a biggish small truck in the parking space next to ours, so we were a little off. And by we, I mean me. I may have pulled in a little sharper than I intended and didn’t quite clear the cement pillar…leaving several long streaks down Mr Car’s driver side. With my new positive mindset, I laughed. I laughed at how silly this was, especially when I found out that Roomie Cole was on her way back at that very moment and would need the spot that night, so if she had called me as she meant to, we wouldn’t have parked there at all. Totally not her fault, the blame is entirely my own…just makes the situation more entertaining.

And when I say I laughed, I don’t mean immediately. I’m sure if anyone was watching me, they laughed. Heartily. When I got out, the streaks just looked like dirt. Long streaks of dirt. As soon as I realized that the paint was in fact gone, I started yelling and kicking Mr Car…however, I was yelling at myself, so I’m not sure real words actually came out. Also I didn’t want to hurt Mr Car anymore, so they were very whimpy kicks. If anyone was watching, I was the guy that hit the pillar and then got out and started making weird noises to himself, spinning and halfass kicking his car. I think seeing that probably would have made anyone’s day.  Not only would it have been entertaining and funny, but I’m sure would have supplied at least a day’s worth of schadenfreude.

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